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Something Vague
Now and then it seems worse than it is, but mostly the view is accurate. You see your breath in the air as you climb up the stairs to that coffin you call your apartment. And you sink in the chair, brush the snow from your hair, and drink the cold away. And you're not really sure what you're doing this for but you need something to fill up the days. A few more hours. There's a dream in my brain that just won't go away. It's been stuck there since it came a few nights ago. And I'm standing on a bridge in the town where I lived as a kid, with my mom and my brothers. And then the bridge disappears and I'm standing on air, with nothing holding me. And I hang like a star, fuckin glow in the dark, for all the starving eyes to see. Like the ones we've wished on, well now I'm confused. Is this death really you? Do these dreams have any meaning? No, no, I think it's more like a ghost that's been following us both. Something vague that we're not seeing. Something more like a feeling.
Padraic My Prince
I had a brother once. He drowned in a bathtub, before he'd ever learned how to talk. And I don't know what his name was, but my mother does. I heard her say it once: "Padraic, my prince, I've all but died from the sheer weight of my shame. You cried but no one came. The water filled your tiny lungs. Appear, my dear, and cry for me. Six years ago today, I laid you in your grave. Your sweet young skin was shining then, too." So tonight to celebrate, I will...I will poison myself. Another coughing, shaking fit in a bathroom that is spinning. And I close the door and I rest my head on the tile floor. Sickness and sleep turning me cold. And I'm still not sure...is there some better place I could be heading towards, where the selfishly sick and self-absorbed are welcome? I saw the future once, I was drunk in a phone booth. My eyes were wet and red but I could not tell what was said. And through the screams of the traffic, voices carried, saying "I am sorry." On a day so grey, it's black inside, watching churches on TV. In a coma, you don't dream. You just hope that someone sits with you. Babies turn blue when they're ignored, like the sky on summer days. Before you turn and walk away, it has changed you. So tonight, to compensate, I will...I will poison myself. Another coughing, shaking fit in a bathroom that is spinning.
Laura Laurent
Laura, are you still living there, on your estate of sorrow? You used to leave it occasionally but now you don't even bother to ride the commuter train west to Chicago. To stroll through the greenery in the park past the statues. How their eyes seem to follow you like a hated addiction. Their beauty carved out of absolutes, you could never claim or even envision. Laura, you were the saddest song in the shape of a woman. Yeah I thought you were beautiful but I wept with your movements. And I hope that you're laughing now from that place on the carpet, where we shared a sleeping bag, in your sister's apartment. Oh, how she would worry so. You know, I was just a stranger. But she asked me to care for you, yes she did. And I went and betrayed her. But do you know we're in high demand, Laura, us people who suffer? Because we don't take to arguing and we're quick to surrender. Well I think I would call tonight if I still had your number. Your thoughts have always laid close to mine. We were both skipping supper. But you should never be embarrassed by your trouble with living, cause it's the ones with the sorest throats, Laura, who have done the most singing.
Losing Streak
You only know what you've been taught. You'll never stop till you get caught. You control the future, and it's looking bleak. Seems like we're headed for another losing streak. And the fire's burning bright. But still we act like everything's alright. I guess if we ignore it, it will probably go away. Well if you believe that bullshit, please see exhibit a. Forget about friendship, hey let's destroy the enemy. If there's one thing that I've learned, my enemies are just as close to me. You keep your problems deep inside. You always play that game of 'run and hide'. Even though they told you, to see is to believe. It didn't take you long to learn that looks can deceive. Don't give up fighting until nothing else stands in your way. Don't give up talking until there's nothing left to say. And no matter what you do, don't ever compromise what you believe.
Timberwolves at New Jersey
Get up, get up, come on, come on, let's go. There's just a few things I think that you should know. Those words, at best, were worse than teenage poetry. Fragment ideas and too many pronouns. Stop it, come on, you're not making sense now. You can't make them want you. They're all just laughing. Literate and stylish. Kissable and quiet. That's what girls dreams are made of. And that's all you need to know. You have it or you don't. You have it or you...don't. You have it or you...you see how much time you're wastin? You coward of separatin. Stop it, come on, you know I can't help it. I got the mic and you got the mosh pit. What will it take to make you admit that you were wrong? Was his demise so carefully constructed? Well let's just say I got what I wanted. Cause in the end, it's always the same. You're still gone. Literate and stylish. Kissable and quiet. Cause that's what girls dreams are made of. And that's all you need to know. You have it or you don't. You have it or you don't. This is me with the words on the tip of my tongue. And my eye through the scope, down the barrel of a gun. Remind me not to ever act this way again. This is you trying hard to make sure that you're seen with a girl on your arm and your heart on your sleeve. Remind me not to ever think of you again. Rest the weight. You've had your chance and folded. Don't hold your breath because you'll only make things worse. Rest the weight. You've had your chance and folded. Don't hold your breath because you'll only make things worse.
The Difference In The Shades
Now that it's June, we'll sleep out in the garden. And if it rains we'll just sink into the mud. Where it is quiet and much cooler than the house is. And there's no clocks or phones to wake us up. Cause I have learned that nothing is as pressing as the one who's pressing would like you to believe. And I'm content to walk a little slower because there's nowhere that I really need to be. And I find that life is easier when it's just a blur with no details to confuse; who or what or where I was. So when the ending comes, the full regret will seem obscure. But these are days we dream about where the sunlight paints us gold. And this apartment could not be prettier as we dance up there alone. And this TV's old; the color's fucked. Do you see the difference in the shades? But the green's still close to green, my love, and I believe we are the same. And we'll stay like this, all gold and green. Light collects and projects your heart on a movie screen. And if you close your eyes we will always be the way we were that night you crawled inside of me and you slept in my blood the way you sleep now. The quietest hush has consumed this house. And when the doctors have gone and you sweat through the bed with the pictures and pills they piled around your head. Just rest now and in a moment you'll know everything. Was it all a dream? It's too vague now to recount. An outline of the one you loved in a life that was that no longer will be...stands above you as you sleep.
From A Balance Beam
There's a man holding a megaphone, he must have been the voice of God. The bystanders claimed they saw angels flying up and down the block. They must have been attached to wires. I seen one laying in the lawn with a broken arm so I called 911. Well that's one less founded opinion, one more cause for a dispute. So the street filled, like a basin, up with cameras and their crews. And they washed away the rumors leaving just the concrete truth. It was a spectacle. No I-I mean a, miracle. So I fell like that girl from a balance beam. A gymnasium of eyes all were holding onto me. I lifted one foot to cross the other and I felt myself slipping. It was a small mistake. Sometimes that's all it takes. Now I'm staring at my wrist, hoping that the timing's right. When the planets will align. There'll be no planets to align, just the carcass of the sun and little painted marbles spinning senseless through an endless black sky. It was in a foreign hotel bathtub I baptized myself in change. And one by one I drowned all of the people I had been. And I emerged to find the parallels were fewer. I was cleansed. I looked in the mirror and someone new was there but I was helpless as a chess piece when I was lifted up by someone's hand and delivered from the corner my enemies had got me in. But in all of my salvation I still felt imprisoned inside that holding cell that is myself. So I wait for the day when I'll hear the key as it turns in the lock and the guard will say to me, "Oh my patient prisoner you waited for this day and finally, you are free. You are free. You are freezing." Now I'm staring at the sun, waiting for it to explode. Because a day is gonna come, don't know when but it will come and we'll finally know the way out of here. And I'll throw away this wrinkled map and my chart of stars and compass, cracked. And I'll climb that tree, all wet with sap to avoid the hungry beasts below. I'll cut out my lover's tongue and sing of a graveyard grey and a garden green. And we won't have to worry no more. No we won't have to wonder again about how this song or story ends; about how this song and story will end.
This Is Not An Exit
Tonight will be the night that we begin to ease the plugs out of the dam. And we still stand knee deep in the flow. The undertow will grab our heels and won't let go. And while we hold, our legs quivering, the water rises now to our teeth and we just let go and sail belly up to the clouds, the rocks scraping our backs. To breathe in the air will be the only thing that we have. And all the wasted nights and empty moments in our lives are flushed away as we sway with the rhythm of the waves bobbing us up. Crests fall to troughs, feel our gills open up and sail belly up to the clouds, the rocks scraping our backs. To breathe in the air will be the only thing that we have. And if the hook sets in the bottom of our lungs, we'll rip it out and lick the blood off with our tongues. Despair can ravage you if you turn your head around and look down the path that's lead you here, cause what can you change? You're a vessel now, floating down the waterways. You can take your rudder and aim your ship, just don't bother with the things left in your wake. Just sail belly up to the clouds, the rocks scraping your back. To breathe in the air will be the only thing that you have and your love will be warm nights with pockets of moonlight, spotlighting you as you drift, the actor in this play. And you walk across the stage, take a bow, hear the applause, and as the curtain falls, just know you did it all the best that you knew how and you can hear them cheering now. So let a smile out, show your teeth cause you know you lived it well.
Puella Quam Amo Est Pulchra
I had a beautiful, beautiful time. The drives and the talks were amazing. The kind of friend I thought I'd never find. I had a beautiful, beautiful time. You have a beautiful, beautiful smile. The way it curls and collapses on your lips. When you touch me I shake like a child. It's late, I'm afraid you might leave. Cause sometimes it feels like you still don't believe me. There's nothing I can do to concentrate. It's so distracting, always thinking of you. So I expose and explain and I meant everything I said. And its moments like this that repeat and replay in my head while I'm laying in bed. It's a beautiful, beautiful time when you laugh and roll onto your stomach. The carpet embraces your design. My heart pounds as I lay by your side. And I find that I'm unable to hide all these feelings that flow in this basement. In this dim light, you look so beautiful. I'm unsure and unclear with the words that I say. I'm happy when you're near and I wish that forever could stay just like today. You have beautiful, beautiful eyes, so bright and alive and enchanting. I want to be with you all of the time. It's hopeless but I have to try.
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